MELBOURNE: A mum has written a powerful new book which shines a light on the emotional toll of fighting a system she says has failed her and other families across the country.
SENT: The Emails I Sent, the Silence That Followed, written by psychotherapist Nicola Hughes, draws on her experience of advocating for her academically able autistic son and the impact navigating the SEND system had on her own mental and physical health.
Part memoir, part guide and part survival companion, the book combines Nicola’s personal story with accessible insight into the SEND system and support for parents navigating similar experiences, while the emails she sent, nearly sent and left unsent form a recurring thread throughout
The book arrives at a significant moment for SEND education in Leeds, as families, schools and the council face continuing pressure to improve support for children with additional needs.
Most recently, an Ofsted inspection found “widespread and/or systemic failings” within the city’s SEND provision, making Nicola’s call for greater recognition of the impact on parents and carers more vital than ever.
“While much of the conversation focuses on funding, school places and provision, far less attention is paid to the emotional impact on the parents fighting to secure the right support for their children,” explained Nicola.
The book explores the concept of Parent Carer Trauma, which Nicola describes as the psychological and emotional harm parents can experience while repeatedly trying to secure appropriate support for their child.
“When I discovered the concept of Parent Carer Trauma, so much began to make sense,” said Nicola.
“I wrote SENT because I wanted other parents to feel seen and to understand that they are not weak, difficult or failing. They are often responding to an incredibly stressful situation.”
Nicola begins the book with the moment she found herself struggling to breathe during a panic attack in her GP’s waiting room.
What had begun as a straightforward conversation with her son’s school about his needs had developed into years of meetings, complaints, emails and preparations for a tribunal.
“I never expected asking for support for my child to have such a serious impact on my own health,” said Nicola.
“I was trying to hold everything together while constantly rewriting emails, preparing for meetings and worrying about what the next response might bring. I felt completely alone and did not realise that what I was experiencing had a name.”
Nicola is also careful to make clear that the book is not intended to shame individual teachers, schools or professionals.
Everyone featured in the book has been anonymised, with Nicola referring to her son as “the boy” and professionals as “the profs”. She says the manuscript took years to complete, partly because writing it became a healing process and she repeatedly revisited the text, editing out anger to ensure the message remained clear, compassionate and constructive.
“This book is not about attacking individuals,” Nicola continued.
“It is about showing what can happen when communication breaks down and parents stop feeling like partners in their child’s education.
“Behind every email is a parent who is worried about their child. Sometimes all it takes is for a professional to acknowledge that something has gone wrong, listen properly and show a willingness to work together.”
Early readers have described the book as deeply emotional, relatable and validating, with one parent saying it made them feel “seen”.
Nicola added: “Parents do not escalate concerns because they want conflict. They do it because their child is still struggling and they have run out of ways to ask for help.
“This is the book I needed when I was in the middle of it all. I hope it offers recognition, honesty and solidarity to parents, while helping professionals understand what life can feel like on the other side of those emails.”